Kaliyoga founder Rosie Miles shares her tips on how
to deal with the bully in your head…
Boy oh boy, I’m tired of asking people how they are and being fed a limp “fine thanks” in reply, when the heartbreak in their lovely eyes is plain for all to see. How I wish we could all stop being so stoic about how well we’re ‘bearing up’ and share our mental burdens, just as we share our triumphs.
For years I struggled with negative self talk. I even named my inner critic Joan the bully, because she delighted in telling me how crap I was at everything. Sometimes Joan’s tone was so vicious that I found myself shouting WTF out loud, as if to a handbag chihuahua who had jumped free and shat on my shoe. I swear, if I spoke to others the way I spoke to myself, I’d have no friends left.
A wise old lady once told me that most negative messages come from the limbic brain (part of our primitive brain) which is primed for survival. One of the main threats to our survival comes from not belonging – hence the mean self talk “Your hair is a joke” “Why are you so FAT?” and “Everyone thinks you’re stupid!” designed to shame us into conforming to the ideals that society has been imposing on us since we were grinding wheat in mud huts.
Socrates, Aeschylus, Buddha, and Jesus were thankfully more evolved. “Know Thyself” was their advice. They could equally have advised us to “FACE Thyself” which is almost impossible now that we spend our days googling, scrolling, swiping, texting, tweeting, posting, shopping, driving, tidying, running the length of England, anything to escape that nasty, whiney voice that tells us how utterly useless we are at everything.
At Kaliyoga we encourage our guests to challenge their ‘Joans’ by doing exactly what they feel like rather than what Joan thinks they should be doing. If they need to sleep for 24 hours then that’s what they do. If they need to let off steam by sprinting along a mountain path each morning, drum & bass blaring through their headphones, then that’s fine too. If they need to curl up in the snug with our resident mama and tell their story over a cup of Chai, they are more than welcome – so long as Joan sits in the corner and Shuts TF up.
“I was all over the place when I arrived. Stressed, wired, in dire need of rest. But throughout my stay the loving souls at Kaliyoga picked me up and put me back together again. When I left I was a new woman.”
Désirée, London, 2025
Over the 23 years we’ve been running retreats, we’ve become renowned for making sure that each of our guests is ‘seen’ from day one and guided to the right holistic therapist. Saskia may be guided to see Kim about that book she always wanted to write but is yet to give herself permission. And Tracey may be guided to see Sofia to help alleviate her increasingly unhappy tummy. And for Frida it may be a Maca / Ashwaganda / Ginseng combo she needs, to bring some passion back into her life.
“A week at Kaliyoga changed my mind.” Siobhan, Holland, 2025
Whenever I lead a retreat at Kaliyoga I am astounded by the courage of our guests. No longer content to ‘cope’ with their lot, they have chosen to secrete themselves away for 7 days to fall in love with life again – whether through the luxurious yoga practice they will incorporate into their daily lives, or the gorgeous new Kaliyoga recipes they can’t wait to try at home, or the life changing shift they made during a session with one of our holistic healers, or the new friends they made whilst hiking through the breathtaking countryside.
Kaliyoga is located in the heart of Andalusia which literally means ‘to walk with ease’ and after a week at Kaliyoga, Joan’s shrill jibes will have eased into the honeyed murmurings of self-acceptance. And what’s not to love about that?
Begin 2026 with a restorative week at Kaliyoga led by co-founder Rosie Miles and change your mind for good.
